Depression

Yesterday I walked 1.5 miles, rowed 33 minutes, strength trained 40 mins and biked for 2.8 miles.  A lot I know but this is my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday routine (minus the walking).  I swim 1200+ yards twice to three times a week (usually Thursday and Saturday, bike 2-4 miles three times a week and walk one to two times a week for 3 miles.

I have my usual stress in my life and I get about 7 hours sleep a night.  I watch my portions and try to eat right (90% of the time) …..why can’t I lose weight!!!! ???? I am so depressed with this situation.

My weight has always defined me since my birth—I know I shouldn’t let it but it does.  My Mom was always on me about my weight.  She never had a weight problem.  My friends were always critical of weight, not directly to me but they were so focused on it that I felt it was about me.  My ex-husband made me throw up what I ate when I went over 128 pounds.  Needless to say, I was bulimic.

I have tried so many diets and lost for awhile but the weight came back.  My story over and over.

A couple of weeks ago, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the locker room at the pool.  I was so disgusted with the image in the mirror.  Depression set in quickly.  I can’t shake it.  I went to see my doctor and he told me that some people at my age can’t lose weight.  Ugh, double kick in the stomach. Age and weight.  Part of me wanted to show him I could but the bigger part of me was defeated.

So, what to do?  Well, I am not giving up my exercise routines.  My heart and bones are better for it.  I am strong even though I am huge.  Most of that is muscle.  I have my dad’s shape—thanks, Dad.  Why couldn’t I get Mom’s shape?  She gave me Nana’s wings—my arms are huge and it doesn’t matter if I am 128 pounds or 182—they are the same measurement. 

I am so discouraged.  I am continuing watching what I eat because if I threw in the towel, I would be much fatter.

Today, I swam, my workout stats below.  Not bad since I ran in the pool for 300 yards.  Running is hard to do and takes longer than swimming but it seems to be doing my knee good and gives me a harder workout.  My SWOLF score is not good but that is due to my slower running laps.  SWOLF is the time it takes to swim a lap plus the number of strokes it takes to do a lap.  Usually mine is 50-60.  Now I ignore this figure.  My goal is to get to 500 yards running in addition to my 1100 yards each day I swim.

Distance:	1,275 yd
Pool Length:	25 yd
Time:	44:30
Avg Pace:	3:27 min/100 yd
Avg Speed:	17.4 100yd/hour
Calories:	276 C
Avg SWOLF :	72

 

 

 

 

My Labor of Love

These are pillow case dresses--10 so far.  I am making these for Operation Christmas Child.  My goal is to make 100 dresses by November. The original idea was to crochet hats...well, I found out that crochet and I are not compatible. Even after a lot of practice, it was not meant to be.

I was on Pinterest getting ideas for shoeboxes when I came across pillow case dresses. Annie gave me some pillow cases and sheets.  I bought some fabric on sale with discounts on top of that and started sewing.  I have an assembly line process doing 10 at a time.

I used two sets of directions to get the dress I wanted.  Garage sales so far haven't yielded any fabric or pillow cases/sheets yet but I still look.  I use bias tape for the ties and to line the arm openings.   A strip of fabric on the bottom of the dress really helps to brighten it up.

I can pick up the bias tape on sale but that is the major expense so far.  I dread doing my own; I am not good at doing it.  I picked up some pillow cases at Kohls which were majorly discounted.

On Face Book I asked for anyone who has fabric scraps, bias tape or ribbon to contact me...no one has.  No problem, I will still pursue my goal.

I have enough material to finish 35 dresses for now which includes the 10 I have already done.  Hopefully when I get to #35 I find some one who has a fabric stash that they want to donate.

Our house is in the finishing stage of siding.  Unfortunately, the contractor didn't calculate our odd garage opening when putting on the weather stripping.  When the door came down it was okay but when it went up it got stuck on the stripping and buckled.  Now we have to buy a new garage door and door opener.  Total cost: $1700, not what I wanted to hear.  We are negotiating with the contractor. They already said that they would not pay for the door--I'm just praying that they pay for half at least.  We'll see.

Not what we needed before we fly to Hawaii.  The money will be tight now.  The trip is paid for already.  I have the siding covered. Not the garage door.  I hate surprises!  So, I am trusting Him that everything will work out.

What has this got to do with the dresses?  Until the door is paid for, my sewing will be put on hold after dress #35.  Hopefully, that break won't be long. I do enjoy sewing these dresses knowing that they are going to little girls who need them.

Bittersweet Week

On April 2, 2014, my favorite Aunt-Aunt Lucy entered Heaven's gate. She was such a character.  I really loved that woman. I want to have her love of life when I get in my eighties--heck, now too!  She had dementia in her last years.  So sad.  She had a keen mind with great recall in her seventies.  She earned a Nursing degree and podiatrist degree in her sixties.

Aunt Lucy in Ireland with me.

On April 5, 1986, my dad entered Heaven's gate.  Dad wasn't the best dad but he was the one that the LORD provided.  In his last two weeks of his life, he showed me more love that he did in a lifetime.  I can't complain.

Dad fought salvation tooth and nail.  We got the call to come to Florida to pull the plug.  Alison was ten years old at that time.  Dad was in ICU and we only got five minutes twice a day. On one of those times, Alison, Mom and me were at Dad's side when Dad was in such pain.  Alison reached over and held his hand and said, "Grandpa, if you would let Jesus in your heart, He will take away all the pain."  Dad started crying and nodding his head.  He couldn't speak because of the tube in his throat but I know he accepted Jesus.  Alison fainted at that point and the doctor came in.  The doctor was so upset to see Alison--"this child is not allowed in ICU--how did this happen?"  Well, we know what happened and the dear doctor was not in charge.....and I am grateful.

Dad & me.

When I left the hospital for the last time, I saw my dad sitting there so frail and I had to give him up to Jesus.  Two weeks after that, I was talking to someone in the parking lot of the church.  I had told this person that if my dad passed away right now, I would know where he would be--heaven.  I always prayed I would know.

When I got home and received the call that dad had passed.  I asked when it happened. The time he went to heaven corresponded with the time I was talking in the parking lot. God is good!

And this is Easter week.  Christ died a brutal death for my sins.  I am so humbled. The ultimate sacrifice for us.  I serve a risen Savior--He is risen, He is risen indeed!

Busy Day!

This morning, I slept until 8 o'clock--it was wonderful!  The only drawback to this long sleep is that I get a late start on my day.

I set three goals for today: clean the house for Easter Sunday (family coming over), swim 1000 yards, and get going on my paintings.

SUCCESS!  Nailed all three!

The house is as clean as it will get, enough said on that.  Wayne still has to vacuum--he still has some hours left in the day to do so.  However, he will probably wait until tomorrow morning just before Larry, Alison and the kids come.  He has replaced the faucet in the main bathroom sink, so, I can't get too upset.

I went swimming and did my 1000 yards.  This is the data:

Distance:	1,000 yd
Pool Length:	25 yd
Time:	36:06
Avg Pace:	3:09 min/100 yd
Calories:	238 C
Avg SWOLF  :	65

I love swimming!  There is that wonderful feeling when I go into the water.  Just feels right. I must be part fish!  I just lose myself in the water.  My thoughts go to songs of praise and I lose time.  I love it!  It is the best therapy!

My third goal--painting.  I started two paintings. One each of each of my cats, Olivia and Sam.  I needed something for my bedroom wall and have been thinking of doing their portraits.  They are both getting on in age and it is my way of keeping them around for a long time.

I noticed that I needed more paint and brushes.  Another trip to Michaels, oh well, at least there is a good sale.

I worked on each for an hour.  Again I got lost in my thoughts and the paintings. An hour is enough. The paint has to dry for more details on both.  I have a ways to go but here they are so far.

Olivia & Sam unfinished portraits

I'm done for the day.  Tomorrow, I will work on the school's yearbook and some TOPS decorations and do a little more on my paintings.  Three goals are  manageable on my time table.  So great to accomplish something!