Depression

I can be so together in everyone’s eyes and then the one person who can knock me to the ground effortlessly does just that.  My mom.  This morning I called her and the topic turned to the fact that now my niece wants to move in with my mom.  Let's see—my worthless brother, my sister, my nephew and now my niece.  Three of them mooching off of mom, one at least helping mom and add one more to the list of moochers. I asked my mom where my niece would sleep.  Her answer-the couch or a recliner.  Sigh, I told her she needs to just say “No, she can’t support another person.”

She then told me that she wished my sister would move in with her boyfriend.  She’s rather get rid of the one person helping her than stand up to the others.  This just solidifies what Joanne keeps telling me--Mom has only one child in her mind-her son.  My poor sister.  Hard enough she is 8 in her mind.  After discussing where Joanne would go if she didn’t move in with her boyfriend, Mom starting acting like she was fighting to keep her there saying that Joanne loves her room at the house..  Is this dementia? Or some age thing?

I told mom that I don’t like seeing her being taken advantage of and what my mom said put me in a tailspin for the rest of the day.  She told me that she has almost all of her family living with her and that she loves it.  Her sister, Hilda, is jealous.  She also said that I am too damn independent and that is my problem.  So, I get from this that my mom thinks that living there and taking her for granted is to be admired and independence is arrogant?  I had to change the subject, I couldn’t take it anymore.  This is the third time that I have been put down because of my independence.  Independence being that I didn’t live with my parents until I die.

I am grateful that Alison has an independent nature and proud of what she has done with her life—why can’t my own mom be proud of me for the same?  Why?  Has this world turned upside down?  Strong decent values are frowned upon and being trustworthy is not high on the list for political candidates.

I was depressed all day.  Thinking of going to a counselor. Maybe go back on Prozac though I hate drugs but I really need to find strength in Him not drugs.  I am dreading going to Florida but I promised mom that I would visit again and more.  Lord help me.

Rose

I had just picked up the kids from school when I stopped at an intersection and right across from me in the crosswalk was Rose.  Rose is a cute little old lady who wears a red hat and some frumpy outfits--who we came across years ago.  We saw her first at the restaurant in town.  She was in a booth by herself eating her soup and sipping coffee.  Suddenly, she burst out loudly some profanity.  Others were shocked but Wayne and I not so.  A couple of our athletes have the same disorder.  It is uncontrollable and one should not be offended.  We weren't.  We asked about her to the waitress.  She told us that she was named Rose and is a regular.

So, we paid her bill without her knowing and did so every time we happened to be eating at the same restaurant as Rose.  We loved it.  Our hearts would warm when we saw her around town and we would say, "That's our Rose!"

Today Rose was in the crosswalk and for a moment, it appeared that she was disorientated.  I watched  and was thinking of how I could come to the rescue with the grandkids in tow.  Fortunately, she redirected herself and went to the other side without any problem.

Grace asked who she was and I told her brother and her about Rose.  I explained that Rose's brain doesn't work like ours but that doesn't mean that she isn't important. She just has a difficult time.  Somehow we got on the topic of old people and their memory.  I asked if I had problems with my memory and my brain wasn't working good would they still love me?  Without hesitating the both of them said, "Yes, we will always love you, Nana!"

I told them that when I am really old, it might be hard on mom to take care of me then I would have to go into a home.  Grace asked if that cost money and she was appalled that it did.  In her opinion, old people shouldn't have to pay for someone taking care of them, it should be free.

Interesting conversations happen a lot in my car transporting the grandkids to day care.  Love their inquisive minds.  I hope that they will have compassion to those individuals like Rose in the future because of our conversion today.

Janice

I've decided to not try to revisit the past months for my blog but to continue on.

Today, we visited Janice.  I love Janice.  She is one of my bowlers.  I don't know her age but I can guess she is in her late sixties.  She is very obese but that never stops her from bowling or driving until this Christmas.  She suffered three heart attacks and ended up in a rehabilitation center where she is now.

A couple of days ago, her husband, Eugene (another one of my bowlers) called me to let me know that Janice wasn't doing well.  I felt guilty not visiting her since she first went in.  Life got busy and then I went through this surgery.  Nonetheless, I knew I had to go today and see her.  I'm glad we did. She looked bad--she was confined to a bed and I noticed that she gained even more weight.  Her hair was thinning out and her gout affected her hands.

I brought some roses for her which she liked. We talked and I couldn't help but think this might be the last time we do.  She told me that she was supposed to move to a bigger room but since they still need to watch her, she is still in this room.

I think back at better times when Wayne would flirt with her and she would laugh and beam.  As we were leaving, I hugged her and then Wayne said "Goodbye"....but she wouldn't have none of it.  Janice insisted that he come over to her and give her a big hug--she was laughing the whole time and had that gleam in her eye.  If the Good Lord takes her soon, I want to remember her just like this with that gleam and that laugh.

Been Awhile

So, my surgery on my thumb went well--the recovery was the pits!  My right hand was useless for eight weeks.  Today I have the small wrist brace on.  It comes off tomorrow--I am estactic!  Freedom at last!  Though I have not been a good patient when I received the brace.  It was easy to take it off and do more but alas, my thumb after awhile would object.

The brace is much better then the casts I received.  In eight weeks, I have more respect for my right hand, learned how to use my left hand more and used all my four fingers on my right hand in place of my thumb.

Granted I push the envelope or in my case, my thumb, by writing, typing and today sewing longer than I should.  It is okay--my body and mind sometimes disconnect and I feel I am superwoman....that thought process ends as soon as the reality hits.

It feels good to be able to do more with my right hand and yes, I will push it just like I always do!

Quilt

This summer, a dear friend of mine made a beautiful quilt for another dear friend of mine, a Marine.  Wayne saw it and was impressed, so, I decided to make him one.  I am still working on it but here it is so far.  I printed on fabric his discharge certificate, enlistment certificate, some decals from helicopters he flew in, a picture of the helicopter he crashed in, his boot camp group and more.

I figured it will not be as professional as my friends but that doesn't matter--Wayne loves it!  Leslea told me that she wants it when her dad passes--I told her she would have to wait until I die first!  I don't want to let it go too soon.

New Years Eve

Boy, I am way behind on my posts!!  This is one about our New Year's Eve Party.  Mom and Dad had their own party to go to and Grace and I decided to do a party for us.  It was a blast!!  Grace and I got all the party stuff and decorated.  We stayed up to midnight and celebrated.  Misha, my grandpuppy wasn't so excited about the whole night but hung in there.

our food feast!

It'smidnight!  Celebrating with Sparkling Apple Cider!

the old folks get into New Years!

Hunter celebrating New Years in NYC by being the Statue of Liberty

Cheers!

Poor Misha not a party animal!

Volunteering in Grace's Class

Penguins!

Grace and Papa on her birthday in class

OMG! She is a pre-teen!

I have been volunteering in Grace's and Hunter's class this year and loving it!  I do "gopher work" like copying, cutting, pasting, etc. in Grace's class.  In Hunter's class, I have been helping with Math and Biology--both my favorite subjects along with Art. 

I love interacting with the kids and not just Hunter or Grace.  I have noticed a little jealousy on Grace's part but she soon gets over it.  She told me that it is making it easier in the class when I am there.  The trouble makers behave since I make a point of talking with them.

Hunter appears to like that I help--he hugs me publicly...that's how I know.

Alison doesn't want me going beyond t he 3rd grade in helping with the kid's classes.  Okay but I am still going to volunteer in 1st and 3rd grade regardless.  I'm hooked!  AND I will teach Art to Hunter and Grace's classes as well unless they tell me not to....but I don't see that happening now.

Puppy

 

2 weeks old

We got a puppy!  OK, this is a late post but better late than never.  Lucy Lanani came into this world on November 30 and we got her when  she was  seven weeks old.  She is a handful!  Oh the joys of cleaning up poop here and there!  And puppy bites!  Seems my right hand is a new chewy toy to her.  She loves kids and especially the grandkids.  Wayne and her have bonded well--she watches cowboys with him and listens to The Beach Boys music--sigh, but he loves her.

10 weeks old

12 weeks

I can't wait until this puppy stage is over!  I have to wait until she has the last of her shots before I can do serious walking with her.  I have walked her around the block which has been a challenge--she loves leaves and flowers, enough said.

I do love this  fur ball even if she delayed my hand surgery by biting me on the thumb that needs to be operated on.

Bible Study

After seeing "War Room", I made an area for me to pray in my art room.  I know that you are supposed to pick a closet but being claustrophobic, this would be a big problem to me.  I shut the door and open all my books. I love the window to look out.  I have made a prayer book filled with prayers, verses, any and every thing that can encourage me to continue.  I have three prayer journals, a book on Prayer, my three Jesus books, my Bible, some stickers and glue.

I make an appointment with God and 99% of the time I follow through.  My time is about 30-40 minutes and any more, I don't keep track.  This is my time to focus on Him and Him alone, not a clock. This is my 13th day and I can't tell you how blessed it has been.  My dear cat, Olivia is my prayer buddy.  She is always there purring and watching over me.  Even she respects this quiet time I have with the LORD.