Life Taking Another Direction

Yesterday, Wayne came home and announced he had been laid off.  My first reaction was for him.  A job is important in a lot of ways for a man.  He was depressed about it and though he tried to be upbeat that if work came in, they would hire him back, he didn't fool me. Financially, we are okay.  We both saw this coming months ago when work slowed down and he would come home early.

We slowed down our spending and increased our saving which wasn't easy with the heat pump and refrigerator dying on us.  We stocked up on food and cut way back.  I .still have my retirement and we really were just living on that.  Wayne's checks went to pay down the principal on the house and for particulars that weren't really necessities.  So, I think we will be fine.  I will put off trying to pay off the house in 2014.  We only owe $35,000 on it and at least we have equity if things get bad.

I have always put aside for a rainy day--been that way since I became a single parent way back in 1977.  It has served me well.  I know that the Lord will see us through this dry spell.  I am praying that work will return and Wayne can go back to MII.  He loves it there and they want him back.  A lot is dependent on who gets elected in the Fall.  If Obama gets elected, things will worsen, that I know.

I had to read my hubby the rules of the house--he will not spend all his time watching cowboy movies!  That will drive me insane!  He assured me that there is plenty for him to do around the house--I totally agree.  We have put off the "Honey Do List" for a long time!

Wayne's boss will let him come in weekly and use the computer software to get his Solid Works Software Administrator license which will make him more employable.

We have started the habit of morning walking together.  I need it for my knee and weight and he needs it for his back.  It is good to spend time with him like this.  It also helps with the stress of him not working.

This morning I read the Psalms,  particularly the one that says "Be Still and know that I am God".  He is in control, we are along for the ride.  I have to trust Him that things will work out.

Finishing Debbie's Rug

I don't believe in coincidences.  Friday, we took the kids to the Berry Farms.  It was great drinking smoothies and having blueberry cobbler!  I bought my berries and three additional boxes for a couple who love Gingerich Farms berries but financially couldn't afford it.  A small random act of kindness which the Lord later blessed me for--read on.

I got home and saw that another friend of mine, Carolyn, had left me a message about a John Wayne collectible plate that she saw at a garage sale. Wayne loves John Wayne and so she knew that I would be really interested.  She was trying to tell me where the sale was when I realized it was the Weigand's house.  Debbie passed away months ago--we used to be the best of friends until my divorce.  Long story short, we lost touch but once in awhile I would run into her.  We'd say that we need to get together, both knowing that that would not be possible.  I was a divorced woman and that was the ultimate sin according to the Baptists. Now I realize that the Lord has forgiven me and loves me.  I have forgiven me and anyone who has an issue with it, I ask them to pray about it.  My Lord is big enough and loving enough that He has not loved me less because of a divorce.

Enough of that.  For the past month I have been looking for wool to do a rag rug for my house.  I remember the gorgeous ones that Edna made.  I bought a book  a year ago--I have to warm up to these kind of projects.  So lately I have had the bug to get going on it.

I went to the garage sale hoping to talk to Lee but it was not meant to be.  I talked awhile with Debbie's dad sharing memories of a wonderful loving friend.  I found the plate, held onto it and browsed around.  Lord, I wanted a small memento of my friend and was hoping to find something.  I almost gave up when I sighted a box. It was full of wool and marked "Wool for Rag Rugs".  I was amazed and asked Debbie's sister if Debbie was into making rugs which she affirmed.  I noticed that some of the wool had been torn as if she had started the project.  I was so delighted to find wool at last!

I don't believe in coincidences.  I bought the box of wool and the plate, I brought exactly $16 and spent exactly $16!  As I walked out to the car, I could see Deb's warm smile from heaven.   I would finish her rug and it will warm my house reminding me of a friendship that I truly miss.

Today, I tore the wool into strips, sorted the colors, and rolled them into rolls.  Everything is organized--I am sure Debbie would approve.  I don't know what she had in mind for design but I am willing to listen to any guidance that she can give.

Telling Stories

Wednesday I had to babysit at the kids' house. Love my time with them!  When Grace took her nap she told me that the rules were that she could sleep on the couch.  Fine, I can handle that.  Hunter went in Mama's and Papa's room to lay on the bed and play with my Kindle.  Since I was tired, I thought I would join Grace on the couch opposite her.

Immediately, she propped up her head and said, "Nana, tell me a story, please!" 

The first time she spent the night with us, I laid down with her in her bed at our house.  She wanted a story so, I made one up.  Of course the story just happened to have a little girl named, Grace and her brother, Hunter.  And of course the story reflected what we did that day in a storybook setting.  Amazingly, there were cats and a dog named Lucy, Kramer, and Meesha.  Sometimes Sam and Olivia (my cats) showed up as well. 

I would weave my story and then finally when I ran out of ideas, I said "The End".  At that time, Grace would tell "her story"  to me.  It was strangely like mine but with a "Nana" added to the list of characters.  Her imagination is really good.  She would change a few things, add some things and then say, "The End!"

So, every time she spends the night we have a ritual.  It reminds me a little of her mom when she was young.  I would read a story then she got too big for that.  At that time, I would just lay down on her bed and she would tell me about her day--I loved those times!  I always looked forward that that moment in time when she shared with me.

Now, I love the "stories" with my grand-daughter and who knows maybe one day she might let me lay down on her bed while she shares her day with me.  That would be awesome!

Taking Time to Connect

Today I met with a couple of people I haven’t seen in awhile.  My former mother-in-law, Ardis; and my best friend, Jeannie.

It’s been forever since I have seen Ardis.  She called me on my birthday to wish me happy birthday and say that I was on her mind a lot.  I told her that I’ll come by that week and I was anxious to see you as well.  I have tried to keep in contact with her in the past and haven’t done a good job.   Lately, I have learned the value of keeping in touch with family and friends.  Today, I had a long list of things to do but I was not going to cancel this meeting or my afternoon meeting with Jeannie.

My visit was nice but unfortunately, I could only stay for an hour in order to get to my meeting with Jeannie.  Boy, Gary sure looks like his mom!  She has aged and lost weight but was in good spirits.  She keeps busy in her yard and garden.  A college gal is staying with her which I was glad to hear.  She is a relative on her sister’s side.  She pays a little rent but also cooks and cleans for Ardis—a great deal for both.

Of course she asked about Alison, Larry and the grandkids.  I showed her pictures of Hunter and Grace and promised to send some to her email address.  She asked about my mom—which I gave her the Reader’s Digest version.  I will go back and visit her again; I have missed talking to her.  She was good to me during and after my marriage to Gary.

Next was Jeannie.  We met at Bugattis.  I love seeing her.  She has been an awesome friend through thick and thin.  We are opposites on politics and religion but we respect each other’s differences and that makes our friendship work.  We laughed so much.  I forget how much I enjoy her company.  She has always been truthful to the point of pain to me but I love her for it.

Jeannie looks tired and stressed.  The college isn’t a pleasant a place to work now and she can’t retire because her husband took out a loan for his shop.  I worry about her and pray things work out for her but most of all I pray she come to know the Lord.  We don't meet as often as we should but we both understand our schedules are sometimes too crazy.  I know that if I was in trouble or in the hospital, she would be right there by my side and vice versa. 

Although I ran myself ragged today going to Joann’s (twice), Costco, Michaels, and Fred Meyers—there was only two events that I will treasure from today.

Weight Lifting

This morning I went and worked out.  It has been a full week since I lifted weights and it felt good to be able to devote the time to it.  I have been weightlifting since I was 20.  I used to be a lifetime member of European Health Spa.  I paid $16 a month for two years for that membership and it served me many years well until Nelson’s Nautilus took it over.  I wished that I started when I was a teenager—maybe my self confidence level would have been better.

I wasn’t born with a body to die for—and I probably will never have that kind of body.  I inherited Dad’s broad shoulders and lousy posture—thanks, Dad.  From Mom’s side, I inherited the “Bibby wings”.  My triceps are always the same size whether they are firm or flabby.  In heaven, I will get a better body. Here, I have to accept what I have and work with it to keep it healthy.

Yeah, I have an self- image problem.  I can remember in Art College, there was a guy whose talent was caricatures. He did one of me—BIG shoulders and BIG arms (lots of flab).  I wasn’t even heavy-125#!  I was devastated and resolved never to do a caricature that made anyone look close to that!  Many “blind dates” ran away when they saw me—talk about a kick in the stomach.  Unfortunately, the image is there in my mind, it is me—I can’t shake it.  I hate it but I can’t change it.  Like Paul the Apostle, this is my “thorn in the side”.

THANK GOD Alison doesn’t have any of those genes!

Back to working out.  I love to work out!  I escape and concentrate on how my muscles are stretching and flexing.  How my bones are keeping strong.  Weird, yes, but even though I would like to change a couple of areas, I am still reminded that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

When I started way back in the 70s, I did so because I wanted to lose weight (I was bulimic as well).  When I went to Nelsons Nautilus, I worked out my frustrations and stress caused by my personal and professional life.  Today, I work out as an investment in my health.  I always feel better after my workout.  I know a seventy year old woman, Brenda, who works out every other day—she has been my inspiration!  She also was my boss at the college for a short while (she came out of retirement to help out in my division).  She is totally committed to working out and she is buff!  Ok, I may not get to that! 

Brenda is healthy and strong—that is what my goal is.  I want to be able to play soccer and any other sport with my grandchildren when they are in their teens—so, get ready my precious grandchildren, Nana means business!!!  J

Jello Sunday

Today was like a bowl of jello that wouldn't set.  No matter what I tried it just didn't jell.  The only thing that went right was my morning Bible Study.  After that point, everything I tried to do just didn't happen well.  I was going to just sit and read all day--looking back, I think that I should have done that.

My first project was ravioli.  I have a Kitchenaid Mixer with a pasta roller and ravioli attachment.  I made the meat mixture for the ravioli which came out delish!  At least that came out.  I proceeded with the pasta from scratch.  I accidentally put twice the olive oil in the dough.  I didn't use fresh flour and the dough wasn't that elastic but still I tried to make it work through the pasta roller.  Foolish to say the least, it was a total flop--the dough has a new home in the trash bin.

Second project was making a rug like Edna made.  This is the fabric I bought as a substitute for wool.  I fortunately only used three small strips of the material ( 1 1/2 x 45) and didn't use all the material.  I was doing a prototype.  Right idea, wrong material.  Oh well, I have a round trivet for a hot plate--not a total waste.  And I have some material to make pajamas.

Tomorrow, I will take up the ravioli pasta once again--new recipe that doesn't have oil in it.  The rug has to wait until Fall since wool right now is not available.  Good winter project.  I am not going to start another project--the third time is not a charm!

Looks like reading my new James Patterson book is the solution to my loose Jello-type of day!

Shopping

I used to love shopping—I’d spend hours at it.  Key words here are “used to”.  Today I went shopping at five different places.  I rushed because I didn’t want to spend more time than I needed to.  Should be now that I am retired that time shouldn't be an issue but it seems like it is more precious than ever.  The first place I went didn’t have what I wanted, on to the second place, no luck there either!  Third place, different item seeking—I found a substitute which I thought would work (it didn’t).  Fourth place, I found more than was on my list—success but the items I wanted from the first and second store weren’t there either.  Bummer, I got home and went online—success! Thank goodness for the computer!  Everything should be here next week.

I have adopted the shopping skills of a “man”—get in, get what I need, get out as soon as I can.  Show no mercy.  Years of having less than an hour lunch has produced my present shopping attitude.  I would much rather be doing anything but shopping.  I have become quite frugal as well—a positive from the whole experience. 

I order everything online now—time saved, gas saved and money saved. I can shop in my pjs, wear no makeup and have a cup of tea!  Now that is shopping!

Birthday Week

Ok, I am far behind in my blog. Sigh, it has been a busy week!  Last weekend I had an awesome weekend with Larry, Alison and the kids!  We stopped at Discovery Village in Salem.  The kids loved it and so did we!  After that we went to the beach and stayed overnight at Taft Beach.  It was great because I hardly ever get to interact with Larry and this weekend we did just that.  I climbed rocks with Hunter and sat and drank wine with Alison and shared Doritos with Grace.  The weather was beautiful and we had such a great time.  

As I grow older, I find that time is the best present!  I love spending time with family and I love the beach—a perfect combination for a gift!  Thanks Larry and Alison for the wonderful memories!

Wayne and I went back to our favorite spot on the beach on Wednesday, my actual birthday.  The weather was nice with a bit of wind.  The hotel knew it was my birthday and had two wine glasses and sparkling apple cider waiting in our room.  I love the Elizabeth St. Inn!  And always at 8pm they have homemade chocolate chip cookies.  We had a fireplace going and a hot tub in our room! We slept with the patio door open with the smell and sound of the ocean.   No wonder it is our favorite place!

I was touched by the 30 of my Face Book friends who took time to wish me a Happy Birthday. Alison texted me.  Ardis, my former mom-in-law, my sister, Leslea, and my best friend, Jeannie all called to wish me a happy day.   

Although I felt so blessed for all of them but unfortunately, I was saddened because the one person who I wanted to hear from never called….my mom.   Ok, she sent a card and so did my sister but one thing I have always asked her is to call me on my birthday.  I don’t need gifts, just a call.  I used to call her until my sister got a cell phone then calling me was free.  And it is still free.   Joanne called just before we left, and I waited thinking mom would do the same.  Sigh.

I guess I shouldn’t feel down.  She is 85 years old and probably just forgot—I hate making excuses.  I need to focus on those who did remember me—I am still blessed.   I pray I never forget Alison’s, Melissa's or Leslea's birthday or other family members’ birthdays.

A Proud Daughter and A New American Citizen!

Today is the 4^th of July.  Our nation’s birthday!  I am still proud to be an American and pray for healing for our country.  The Founding Fathers never intended for our government to take over most of our life.  I still believe in American Exceptionalism.  I know that He will heal this land and bless it once again.

When my Mom married my dad, she was British.  She came over to the States and fell in love with America.  When we were in Arkansas, my dad went to Korea for 13 months.  During that time, Mom decided to become an American citizen.  It was her choice, no one forced her to do it.  She studied hard every day and night.  My brother and I would take turns quizzing her for her citizenship test.  I must admit that there was a lot of history that she had to learn and it wasn’t easy.  But she was determined and passed her test!

I can’t remember the exact day and year we went to the courthouse in Ft. Smith, Arkansas to see her sworn in as an American citizen.  I stood there in the courtroom with my brother and was so proud of Mom—she did it!  The US flag was up front and all of the new citizens were standing and saying the Pledge of Allegiance.  You could tell this was a very big moment in their lives-some were in tears, others beaming with smiles. 

If only all Americans would possess what it means to be American like those who stood there that day!  The Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence knowing that they were committing treason, death and loss of property to be the result.  Yet, they signed it.  They wanted freedom for them and for generations to come.  

As Reagan said, “We are one generation from losing our freedom.”  Let’s not be that generation or raise a generation who will lose that treasure.

The Library

Every Wednesday, I bring Hunter and Grace to the city library.  I signed up Hunter and Grace for the summer reading program.  Hunter is a fantastic reader for five years old.  Grace will reading soon--just wait, she won't let her brother steal all the limelight :)  They are great at the library.  Grace runs and tries to pick up as many as her arms can hold.  You can bet that there is a book about a cat somewhere in the stack!  I have to remind her, "Only five books, Grace!"  She doesn't like that rule too much but knows there is a space limit in the book bag.

Hunter will take his time, find one book and sit down at the little table and start reading outloud.  Grace will join him with her books and pretend to read.   I have to remind them to whisper.  People walk by and take second looks at both of them reading and you can bet their Nana is standing there beaming.  When Hunter is done with his book, he will read one of Grace's books to her.  He gets a star on his log for every 20 minutes he reads.  After so many, he gets a new book (thanks Thriftway for donating them).

When I watch them, I am reminded of the many times my brother, Jim, and I went to the library.  We would get up early and walk there.  It didn't matter how far it was, we walked anxious to check out  books!  We usually stopped at the base snack bar and got a cherry coke first.  We drank it down and headed for our destination.  I don't remember what books Jim checked out but for me it was Nancy Drew or Perry Mason.  Loved those mysteries!  We would lug back several books in our arms--no backpacks in those days!  Sometimes the stack was pretty high.

Books were our treasures--an escape into another world.  Sometimes I would pickup medical books, I wanted to be a nurse in those days.  Science, astrology, art, medicine and mysteries were what I loved to read.  The quiet of the library and all those books--I was definitely a bookworm in my youner years!  Come to think of it, I still am.

When Alison was in the 1st grade, her teacher said that she was behind in reading.  That summer I signed her up for the summer reading program.  She read 27 books that summer!!  And brought her level up to 3rd grade--her teacher was really impressed!  So you can see how valuable and rewarding reading can be.

It is a small legacy to leave to my grandchildren but one that can prove to be a valuable investment in their future.  Maybe they will look back and remember their Nana taking them to the library when they were little.... and smile.

Baking Bread

Today after church, I decided to heck with the house and all--I need a real day off!  One thing I wanted to do was bake bread.  I did that yesterday and found out that the worse thing you can do to bread is substitute  ingredients!  I didn't have dry milk and used regular milk instead.  The result: a highly dense big blob of multi- lumpy matter that hardened in no time and became a part of the trash.

Today before church, I picked up some dry milk.  Way back in seventh grade-yes, I am talking about a long long time :)  I was taught how to bake bread in Home Economics.  Loved that class!  Today it is probably not politically correct, too bad because I learned a lot and enjoyed it.  Through the years, I loved mixing the ingredients, waiting for the dough to rise and then in the oven.  The smell was wonderful!  No bread machine like today.  Spread it with butter and taste the reward of patience!

My Dad was one who loved my bread (and homemade potato soup,too-another Home Ec lesson).  It helped bridge the big gap between us.  My way of saying, "See, I do love you even if you push me away."  Dad and I were close until I was five.  My brother was born and suddenly I was the "Big Sister".  My job was to take care of him.  I was told that I had five years of love, it was his turn.  Okay, so, I waited for five more years, and then....nope, it wasn't my turn, my sister was born.

Strange thing about being a child, adults try to reason with you about things and think that you understand but all the while, children stuff their pain. I became a great one at "stuffing".  I do it even today.

Dad was gone a lot--tours of Korea and Vietnam, working 12 hours on base when he was stateside and when he was home, he wasn't really.  Dad's love in life was first the Army, mom was second, and us kids third.  I was told that over and over.  Along with that, Mom would add, "He is a good provider-he brings home money so that we can live and enjoy things."  Somehow, as a child, the money wasn't a priority with me. I don't recall the things that were so important to him and mom.

Dad had another love, alcohol.  He drank constantly--like I said, he was home but he wasn't. My teen years were constant rebellion and for that rebellion, I was beaten with a belt.  The scars are gone but the memories remain.  I wanted my Dad's love and the only way to get his attention was rebellion.  Often he would just hit me for minor things.  I recall accidentally knocking off a teacup from a table and experiencing the wrath.

But the bread--I learned how to bake bread.  That weekend after learning, I baked bread.  I lost myself in the process--the kneading helped me cope.  Bringing out the warm bread from the oven, the aroma drifted to where Dad was in the living room.  I remember him coming into the kitchen after he thought I'd left (I was watching from the hall).  He sliced a piece and put some butter on it and tasted it.  Ahhh, and then... the smile that came on his face!  I finally pleased my dad.

Years came and went.  Every time I can home from college or wherever, Dad would ask, "Can you please bake some bread?"  I always did.  I have forgiven my Dad  for all those times when his anger got the better of him.  I did love him.  He did show me more love in the last two weeks of his life than he did in a lifetime.  It was during that time he accepted Jesus. Alison at ten led him. He went to live with Jesus a week after.

Dad couldn't talk with the tube in his mouth in the hospital when we visited him 26 years ago but I know if he could he'd ask once again--"Can you bake some bread?"