Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve always starts with breakfast then we open gifts.  This year Grace wanted to open stocking stuffers first.  Normally that would be fine but I did have a couple of gifts that related to a couple of stocking stuffers but what the heck, it is Christmas.

I love watching everyone open their gifts, especially the kids.  Hunter surprised me before we started opening the gifts, he turned to me and said that he was sorry he didn't have a gift for me.  I immediately told him that he was my gift!  And it is true his sister, mom, dad, Wayne and he are my gifts and I meant that.

Hunter loved the rocks that I wrapped in his stocking and the books on rocks.  I loved that Larry and he said down and started organizing the rocks. He loved the Chewbacca knit hat and the Potato Clock.

Grace ran to Larry with her  R2D2 t-shirt.  I didn't know that Larry had tried to get her the exact one but that Fred Meyers didn't have her size. She loved her stuffed animals, pottery wheel, artsy things and more.

Hunter and Grace both made owl ornaments for their parents which they loved.  Hunter spent months on building a bird feeder for them too.  It was a hit!  I painted it for him since he isn't into painting.

It was nice that they all stayed for an hour after the gift opening to play with their gifts--Hunter with his rock collection and Grace with her art supplies.  It was a wonderful Christmas Eve.



Visit to OHSU

Last night, we called Phyllis, Wayne's former sister in law whom we are friends with.  We found out that Les, her father had to be taken to OHSU due to kidney failure.  He was doing better and would be transferred out on Monday back to a rehabilitation center.  Today we went and visited him.  It was a good visit and Les was in good spirits.

The last time I was at this hospital it was when my associate pastor, Lee Wiegand.  His daughter, Katrina was transported by Life Flight there after being struck by a vehicle on Mt. Hood.  She was only twelve.  As soon as I found out, Alison and I drove up to OHSU.  I remember sitting with Debbie (one of my two best friends then) by Katrina's bedside.  Katrina was in a drug induced coma.  Debbie, a nurse, was barely holding it together.  It was a long night.

Katrina is twenty something now and doing well.  Debbie went to Heaven last year.  Lee has remarried.  Life goes on.

Today we sit with Les and I can't help but think of Debbie.  I quietly sat by her holding her as she held on.  Now, Les is nearing Heaven's door.  When I am super nervous, I talk and especially since Wayne doesn't talk much. After five minutes, Les starts talking which is good.  I don't like making small talk.  He looks good now but has given up on life.  He misses his wife, Pat who died a couple of weeks ago.  Two pictures showing both of them in happier times are on his table next to his hospital bed.  He admits he almost died and fortunately, Phyllis who is a professional caregiver called attention to the fact that his urine bag was empty.

I pray that Les makes it through Christmas so that the family can share this time with him.

Group Hug and A Double Hug

When I taught art to the Kindergarten class, I noticed that I forgot to put the "Picasso" sign up with Grace's first grade class' paintings.  So, when I finished I took the sign and the stapler that was in the bin with it and went to the wall of paintings out in the hall.  Much to my surprise--the stapler was empty. 

No problem, I went into Mrs. Marcoe's classroom where I knew that there were staplers full of staples.  I figured I'd sneak in and no one would notice me--Wrong! Morgan, one of Grace's best friends, spotted me and shouted, "Dena!"  And before I knew, I was surrounded by several huggy bears in a big group hug that was three deep!  They remembered me from me teaching them Picasso!

Several of them shouted, "Hi, Nana!" and my heart warmed so much!  Then I saw Grace standing there and she said matter of factly, "Well, Hello there!" with a big smile and powered through the crowd to give me a hug.  She asked why I was there and I told her that I was trying to borrow Mrs. Marcoe's stapler as quietly as I could.  I respect my granddaughter's space but was very surprised when she stepped forward closer and gave me another warm hug.  A double hug means she is really happy that I am there.  I used to get double hugs when I volunteered in her Kindergarten class.  Now that she is in first grade, they are rare.

Hugs are wonderful, double hugs are like winning the lottery!

Teaching Picasso in Kindergarten

Rowan with his Picasso

I was asked if I could teach the art lesson to the Kindergarten class that Wayne volunteers in.  Of course, I said, "Yes!'.  Tiffany, the teacher, was Grace's Kindergarten teacher and we got to know her well. 

All the kids didn't know me until I told them that I was "Gramp's (Wayne) Nana".  Then smiles popped up.  Wayne is known as Gramps and he tells them about me--hopefully good things!

The kids were fantastic and really interacted with my story about Pablo but really shined when it was their turn to make their own Picassos.

Rowan is in a wheelchair and is special needs but that didn't stop him from participating which he did with vigor!

Morgan and Nathan are two of the kids who Wayne spends one to one in reading.  They adore him and it shows.  Morgan's sister, Ellie was in Grace's Kindergarten class.  Their dad is a single parent and found work in California.  It is bittersweet to see them move.  I took pictures of each of the kids, a class photo and a bookmark with their picture on it.  I gave Tiffany Morgan's pictures and bookmark so that he can take it with him to California--along with a picture of Gramps and him.  Ellie has a picture of the three of us from last year's Grandparents Day when we "adopted" her for the day.

I matted all the paintings along with their picture and name to put in the hall.  Morgan took his home with him today.

I thoroughly enjoy teaching kids about art!  There are two more artists this year and I will teach about them to both Grace's 1st Grade class and Tiffany's Kindergarten--can't wait!

Morgan and his Picasso

future Picassos!

Wayne and Nathan

Wayne and Morgan

Gift 5-Clay Time with My Grandkids

Before painting

I had the kids over on Sunday to do their Christmas gifts for their teachers and their parents.  Every year we do something artsy.  This year, I pulled out my clay tools that have been collecting dust, bought some clay and we made ceramic owl ornaments.  I found an air dry clay that works really well!  Grace made some other ornaments and items.  Hunter made what he calls "Christmas Worms".  What can I say--he's a boy!  He gave them to me and I told him that I will be showing his children these beauties!

I was amazed how Grace really got into the clay.  She loved working with it and made a bowl using coils that she rolled.  She figured out how to do it so she got a bowl.  For one of her Christmas gifts, I got her a battery operated child's pottery wheel.  I'm sure she will get a lot of use out of it.

It feels me with pride when these two do artwork an are happy with the results.  It is wonderful spending this quality time with them!



Grace's Owl for Gramps & Nana



Hunter's Owl for Gramps & Nana



Hunter's "Christmas Worms"



Grace made her bowl by herself-she figured out how.



Hunter using the clay extruder-he loves mechanical things!



I think I may have an artist here

Gift 4-Drawing From His Word-Literally!

My latest pastime is literally drawing from His Word!  In the evening I sit and relax with my new journaling Bible and some Crayola pencils.  I have seen this on Pinterest and really liked it.  It took me months but I finally decided that this is something I will do.  My new Bible have large margins that allow me to do some artwork.  I chose a verse and draw it in the margins.  Right now, I am using some from Psalms which were on Pinterest but it is time for me to venture out of that book.  I love doing this in the evening--it is so relaxing!

 

My ultimate goal is to continue to the point of having to buy another journaling Bible.  It is my ultimate hope that when I go to Heaven that both Hunter and Grace will get these Bibles and treasure them.  And that His Word will reign in their hearts through my labor of love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gift 3-Bittersweet Memories

One year ago today, my daughter by marriage went to Heaven.  Facebook reminds you of events, not all but some and today, it reminded me of this one.  I mourn for the time I didn't have with her which is mostly my fault for not pursing it.  You can't get time back, you can only learn and move on.  I think of Melissa and her boldness and quirky sense of humor.  I think of her family this time of the year--her mom (and my friend), Bobby, grieving the loss of not only Melissa but her other daughter, Aubrey the year before.

I think of Pat who just passed away last week and the family left behind.  I think of Debi who never took the time to reconcile with her step mom (Pat).  The words that were never said.  On the way to town yesterday, Wayne was talking about Pat's funeral and asked, "I wonder if anyone would show up at Debi's funeral--she has hurt and alienated so many.  Sad. 

I think of Patsy next door who lost her husband, Clair, last month.  They had a wonderful life together and now she is alone with her two dogs.  I thought of baking cookies for her for Christmas but I decided to sew some doggie coats for her two dogs.

When we were walking one day, we ran into Patsy and her daughter along with the two dogs.  I noticed that one was shivering.  When checking the fabric of the coat, I noticed it was so thin so I decided there and then that I would make them coats.  I made Leslea's dogs some and our Misha one.  Patsy loved them!

Pat, Clair and Melissa are in Heaven and that is great comfort but bittersweet here on Earth.  I am reading a book about Heaven and those who died, went to Paradise and then came back.  It references the scriptures that support these near-death experiences.  Wayne died and came back.  He told me about leaving his body and hovering over the accident scene, going through a tunnel, and being covered in light.  He was amazed at the love that he felt from the Light.  He compared it to your first love times a million.  What a glorious place to be!

Second Gift-An Hour of Reading

Unfortunately for Wayne, he was sick with the stomach flu today and spent most of the day in bed.  As for me, I feel fine for now.  I almost got up at 5 this morning but resisted and finally fell back asleep until 8am.  I went to the gym and did my 40 minutes of strength training reducing my weights.  Tuesday I had too much weight on the machines and my knee paid the price.  It feels so good to get back into my workout routine.

This afternoon I did something that I usually reserve for that hour or half hour before I fall asleep--I read!  I love reading and to give myself an hour to read in the day is just unheard of for me.  I have five books that I am reading at the same time.  I ordered one yesterday and read a chapter on my Kindle as a sample.  I prefer non-fiction in hard back form and fiction on my Kindle.  However, I had two books on my Kindle that I put there because I was down in Florida when I could read them.  Books weigh more in the suitcase than on a Kindle.

Today I read a couple of chapters in "Imagine Heaven: Near Death Experiences and God's Promises", Billy Graham: "Where I Am", and "The Emmaus Code by David Limbaugh.  I am half way through the first two and just started on the last.  "The Emmaus Code" is about how the Old Testament has references of Christ.  I find that fascinating.

The TV was off and the Christmas lights were on.  I curled up on the recliner with my cat, Olivia on my lap and read.  It was wonderful not to feel rushed or guilty of this unique pleasure.  I love books and enjoyed this gift of time to just lose myself in them.

My First Christmas Gift

Yesterday, I finished all my Christmas stuff...no more gifts, decorations, etc. One possible party to go to next week and Christmas Eve Breakfast with the family.  My hope this year was a gift to myself to be able to sit and enjoy the peace of Christmas.  I always rush through Christmas and miss the whole reason for the season. I always feel exhausted and regret that the season went so quick.

Lately, I bought a "Journaling  Bible".  It is a Bible with large margins where you can draw illustrations of verses, color them and really turn your Bible into a beautiful art praise.  I wanted to do this for awhile and finally got some art supplies together and bought the Bible and started.

So, yesterday I sat on the couch and began my fourth illustration in this Book.  I keep my Bible and supplies on the couch so I can't ignore this time. Colored pens and markers in hand. The verse was in Psalms--"Trust the LORD and do good".  I did the verse plus flowers, birds and butterflies. Colored the images. It is an escape and praise at the same time.  I love this time. 

When I was done, I looked up and saw the lights on my Christmas tree, the lights and stockings on the fireplace and wreath above it and just exhaled.  I was caught up in the peacefulness of it all.  A celebration of His Peace.  I felt so relaxed and warm that I just sat there and got lost it in all. A reminder that He came to Earth to give us Hope.

My first gift of Christmas wrapped up in His Love--His Peace.

Wayne's Former Mom-In-Law

This is Pat Macomb, Wayne's former Mom-In-Law who passed away last week.  She was a warm friendly lady who I had the pleasure to get to know.  We occasionally would drive up to St. Helen's where her husband, Les, and she used to live.  She always made me feel welcomed.

Both Les and Pat have known Wayne since he was a teenager.  Wayne married Debi (Les' daughter and Pat's stepdaughter).  I am touched that they consider Wayne as their own son.  Debi burned the bridges with Pat and Les just after we married.  Sad.  Debi had said horrid things to all her family and the result was Debi disowned he entire family.  When Debi had the stroke, the family did come to her side only to be insulted again to the point of Pat and Les saying that if they died, they didn't want her at the funeral.

Last year, Pat had bowel cancer and survived until this year when it took her life.  The week before when we found out that she might not survive, I flew Leslea here from Utah.  Leslea said it was the best Christmas gift--a little bittersweet but Leslea was able to see her grandma before she passed.  Les has given up on life and at least Leslea got to visit with him as well.

The funeral is this Saturday.  Les called Debi and invited her to it.  In my opinion, Debi has every right to be there, Pat was her step-mom.  However, the rest of the family doesn't want her.  I know that if I show up with Wayne, it will just add fuel to Debi's fire--she is there just for the drama.  So, I will not be there.  Wayne will but will leave if Debi shows up--he doesn't want the drama either.

So sad that a family is this way but I do understand...don't like it but understand.  My former husband, Gary's ex-wife (Bobby) and I got along as best of friends when I was married to Gary.  We never talked about Gary. He adopted her two kids and my daughter, so we recognized that we need to be friends for their sakes.  After the divorce, we remained friends.

Last year, Bobby lost her daughter, Melissa to lung cancer.  The year before she lost her youngest daughter from another marriage to leukemia.  I received a beautiful Christmas card from her this year.  When Melissa was dying, I paid for Bobby to go and visit Melissa before she died.  It is what Jesus would do and I would do it again without a thought.

This last month, my neighbor, Clair, passed away leaving his wife, Patsy.  My heart goes out to her too.  I thought about baking cookies for her for Christmas.  Instead I sewed coats for her two small dogs.  She loved it.

This Christmas brings sadness but also celebration.  I have been reading a book on Heaven and stories from those with near death experiences.  The book references scriptures along with the experiences.  It is a comfort to know all those who were lost this year awoke in Heaven in the Light of Jesus. 

I thank the LORD for His Grace and Promise.  I thank Him for letting my Mom survive cancer and giving me more time with her.  I pray for His Peace for those left behind when their loved ones passed on to Heaven.

Teaching Picasso!

 

I had signed up as an Art Literacy Volunteer--fancy way of saying "Assistant Art Teacher" before I went to Florida.  So, when I got back, I scheduled a two hour block with Grace's teacher, Mrs. Marcoe to teach Picasso.  In November, all of us Art teachers met and the coordinators gave us a lesson plan, some slides and a book to teach from. 

 

I recalled last year when Wayne told me about one volunteer that taught about an artist to the Kindergarteners.  He said it was way over their heads and the kids lost interest quickly.

 

So with that in mind, I decided to do my own thing.  I ordered the book on Picasso.  Great book at Kindergarten and 1st grade level with lots of photos and cartoons.  I scanned a handful of Picasso's pieces into my computer, printed out as big as I could get and mounted them individually on a 12x16 foam board.

 

I then made notes from the book and matched up to some of the pieces.  I threw in some fun facts about Picasso:  Picasso had 12 middle names, he had a dog named "Dump", he added perfume to his paintings to help sell them and his BFF (best friend forever) was Matisse.

Grace and BFFs Lucy and Adeline

I was nervous and got to the classroom when they were still out at recess.  I setup everything. Said a quick prayer for success.  I arranged oil pastel crayons and paper for them to make their own Picassos and sat in the rocker in the corner.  The kids came in and some of them remembered me from Kindergarten.  They all surprised me and sat in front of me on the floor asking why I was there.  Grace told me that I can't say I am her Nana or grandma and don't embarrass her.  Sigh, she is just like her Mom.  I respected her wishes but her friend, Morgan loudly shared that I was Grace's Nana.  Grace rolled her eyes but survived the embarrassment.
 

I started with the lesson and I couldn't believe how the kids were so excited to ask my questions.  I asked who had a middle name and who could tell me how many middle names that Pablo Picasso had.  Hands went up and they all loved trying to answer all my fun fact questions.  We laughed a lot and I had them tell me what they saw in the paintings and talk about imaginations! 

Brody and his Picasso!

Mrs. Marcoe came over to me and said that she was so surprised that one of the boys, Brody, is interacting with the group and me.  He never does that!  I felt so good about exciting all of them about art (but especially Brody!) and they couldn't wait to do their own painting.
 

I was so nervous that I would fail at this but I really did well and felt so great about it--the prayer to Jesus sure helped and He answered it!  I have always wanted to teach art to children.  And now, in my retirement I get to do it!  Thanks, LORD!  I have two other teaching sessions to do but Mrs. Marcoe has asked me to help out every Friday after Christmas break and I can't wait!

 

Blind Sided in Florida

It's been awhile since I got back from Florida.  I had been prepared for my mom not surviving the surgery but I am so thankful that the LORD blessed us with her not only making it but recovering well and there is no sign of the cancer!  There is a 25% chance of it coming back but we will take the 75% chance of it not coming back!

Friday, November 13th, Mom had her appointment with her surgeon to find out the results of her biopsies.  Friday the 13th!  Oh well, we got the good news and I heard something from my Mom's mouth I thought I'd never hear: the words, "Praise the LORD!".

Even though I was prepared in every way for Mom's results, I wasn't prepared for what the LORD revealed to me through my brother.  Yes, he was on his best behavior (but had a couple of bad moments).  I had attempted to witness to my brother.  His response was he told me that he was an atheist and that the reason why would really upset me.  I did get it out of him why.  He told me about an event that happened to him in Heidelberg when he was 13, I was 18.  I am not going into the details but it involved a Catholic Priest who ruined my brother as far as any faith goes.  Jim told me that I had abandoned him and that if I wasn't so into my life then that I would have prevented what happened.  I was in shock.  All I could say was I was sorry for not being there.  I was struggling as a teenager in a new school and trying to fit in that I didn't see what he was going through.

I shared a similar event that happened to me in Arkansas at the elementary school with a drunk janitor.  He agreed we both had a life event that traumatized us.  I can't change the past, I can only move on.  He hasn't but he has been seeking counseling.  However, he has a hatred for any priest and the Christian faith.  I love him, I hate what he is doing but I know that Jesus loves him too.  I will continue to pray for him for healing--emotional and spiritual.

Morning Walk

This morning it was 75 degrees and 75% humidity with a little wind so, I braved it and went for a walk.  It wasn't too bad as long as I stayed in the shade.  There were a lot of squirrels and lizards that crossed my path with no fear.  The squirrels love the acorns from the oak trees that line most of my path.

I remember when my Dad would get up at 5:30 am and water the lawn in San Antonio to beat the heat and to feed the squirrels.  There was one in particular that would be waiting for him on the porch.  He had a name for him but I can't remember.

Walking, I thought it sad that there was only two individuals that were out and about.  One old man on a bike and a young man pushing a stroller.  No kids outside, nobody doing yard work.  Nobody. Sad, this wasn't too bad of a day but everyone is inside.  It was so nice to get out and breathe in fresh air with no cigarette smoke, even if it is humid!

Today is Veterans Day and there are no kids outside either.  We used to be outside all the time when we were young--it took Mom and Dad three or four times yelling to get us indoors.  Now kids are too plugged into their electronics.

Today, my brother is over his spat from yesterday. He is talkative.  Just when he gets drunk (which is every day) that he goes ballistic.  Mom is finding out that she has pushed herself too much.  I had to be the parent and gently tell her that it has only been a week and she needs to let her body heal.

Another day closer to finding out how far the cancer has spread and praying it hasn't...

Another Day in Florida

Mom is getting better each day but she is pretty tired by 6pm and goes to bed.  Today, I made chicken pot pie which was ok but she didn't like the vegetables in it--she likes them very mushy.  Sigh, so I made her a TV dinner.  Mom admitted to me that she hates to cook and would rather have TV dinners that she can fix quickly.  So, Joanne took me to Publix and I bought her a bunch of them.

She really doesn't like my cooking and I want her to eat.  Sure, the sodium level is high in TV dinners but if she limits herself to one a day, at least she is eating.  Joanne says there are days when she just has cereal and that's all.  My brother was concerned about the salt but like I told him, at least she is eating and she needs to put on weight.  Joanne was telling me that he would eat all of the TV dinners.  So, I told him that any TV dinners in the frig now and when I leave are for Mom.

Jim has really been civil.  He keeps the air conditioning at 68 not 66 like I asked. He's been taking out the trash, doing some washing and making his own coffee to Mom's surprise.  Joanne says he will go back to his old self when I leave.  I don't know but I do know that there is friction between Jim and Joanne.  I've had some good conversations with him--mostly reminiscing about things we did as kids.  Thursday, he is taking me to Outback for lunch. I am going to have a serious conversation about Mom.  I do think he cares for her but alot of the time, he can't see past himself.

I know now why I have a problem with my weight. Mom has the same food I had when I was growing up.  I've had to bring in vegetables, fruits and whole grain products in order to at least attempt to eat good. I know the weight is coming on.  It is just sweets, meat and potatoes here.  White carbs and take out.  I have finally decided that I will have to work double time when I get home.  It's too hot and humid even at 6am! It's been 91 for five days! I have been doing an hour on the portable bike pedal floor model....better than nothing!

I am looking forward to the grandkids skyping me tonight--can't wait to see and hear from them!

Day 4 After Surgery

I have to post when I get back what I had for yesterday.  Somehow I can't cut and paste from the Word Document that I saved it in.

Well, Mom is a little sore--the pain medicine  that they injected in her abdomen wore off.  She has done remarkable in the past days.  She is able to walk with a cane and her attitude has gotten a lot better...she even apologized for her meanness to me in the hospital.  She has a good appetite and hasn't taken anything for pain.

So, I sit with her all day and watch movies or Fox News.  I get things for her, make her meals, help her up and other things.  I don't dare go for a walk because there is no one with her--my brother and sister are asleep in the morning when it is bearable to go for a walk outside.  Today, I found a small floor pedal machine that allows me to "bicycle" with out a bike.  I have to do something, my knee is getting stiff.

I have noticed the patterns of my family now.  Mom watches TV and when she is better she will putt around the house and clean here and there.  My brother gets up after noon and sits at the small table next to the kitchen counter, smokes his cigarettes, drinks his beer and stares at the wall--all day.  What a waste, I never thought that he would be like this.  Lately he will go into his room and do the same routine. He does this because the smoke irritates my lungs.  He doesn't have to but I am glad he does it.

My sister is gone most of the day--she has clubs she belongs to and BINGO.  When she does come home, she stays in her room, watches her TV, talks on the phone, smokes and coughs.  Her breathing is worse than my brother.  She tells me this way, she stays out of trouble.

How did this family come to this?  Sad.  So sad. I am here one more week and a couple of days.  There is nothing I can do to change this.  At least I've been a help to Mom.

Surgery Day

Surgery day.  I had a rough  night last night with Mom.  The laxatives were hard on her and made her weak.  As the effects subsided, I managed to give Mom a shower.  How heartbreaking to see her so thin.  She reminded me of the pictures of prison of war refugees.  Mom had to take two showers, one in the night and one in the morning and wash with an antibacterial solution.

We got up early and Joanne made waffles.  Poor Mom couldn’t eat or drink.  My brother got up to go to the bathroom but didn’t say anything to Mom.  I’m trying not to react right now, my concern is Mom but I know it hurt her.

We had to get to the hospital at 9:00am but sat in the waiting room until almost 11am for surgery for 1pm.  There was a gal who was sitting by herself, so I struck up a conversation.  It bothered me that she was alone.  Her name was Mary Ann and she was back in surgery for cancer.  She had a total hysterectomy but they think that her cancer came back.  We got well acquainted and I told her that I would pray for her which she appreciated and offered to pray for Mom.

I was kind of nervous since Mom had messed up two adult diapers and I had just one left.  I asked the receptionist how much longer and she said there were three people ahead of Mom.  I told her my situation and she said that she would see about getting her in sooner—she did.  Thank goodness.

So we went back and soon after, my sister and her best friend, Maria left to get something to eat and do some errands.  I stayed with Mom.  I was glad that I did.  When the anetheologist came in to talk to Mom, he really had me depressed.  Because of Mom’s lifestyle, medical history and age, he didn’t paint a rosy picture of her making the surgery and recovery.  I usually like honesty but I didn’t need this much of it.  I could tell that Mom was concerned too.

I kissed and hugged Mom twice and pray she survives surgery and recovery.  I am in a crowded surgery waiting room nervous, overwhelmed and wiped out. No sleep and lots of worries.  In my mind the song “Cast all my cares on You” is playing and I am trying to cast ALL my worries on Him but I am struggling.

The surgeon came to the waiting room after an hour and half and motioned me out to the hall.  My heart sunk, I knew this wasn’t going to be good.  All the other surgeons walked right into the waiting area and talked to the families.  So, I braced myself for the worse.  He told me she was doing fine.  They removed a 2-3cm tumor that was semi-evasive and took samples of the lymph glands.  I was so relieved!  He is having her stay until Friday, which I am grateful for due to her age.  That will give them time to observe her and I am grateful for that.

So, here I sit still, waiting for her to be moved from recovery to a regular room.  I am debating whether to spend the night in her room, will just depend on her and the chair I will sleep on.

So I got the cal that her room should be ready on the ninth floor....I went up to the room to wait 45 minutes for it to be cleaned.

Mom was delivered just after I was allowed in the room.  She was alert.  The nurse helped me turn the chair into a bed, gave me some sheets, blankets, pillow, socks and toothpaste and toothbrush.

Mom got some sleep, me none.  Either the nurse would come in and turn the light on or the IV alert beeped.  Mom would wake up and ask me if I got a good nights sleep at 2am and 3 am!  So I'd tell her the time and she would go back to sleep.

I was exhausted by morning but glad that Mom made it through the night with no complications.

The next morning I left to go back to the house to sleep.  After an hour, my cell rang and I was pleasantly surprised to hear Grace's voice.  Wayne was taking them to school and had them call me on the speaker.  I loved it!  I really miss those two!  Miss Wayne too!

Discharge Day!

I went to see Mom today and the white board that the nurse's station has that usually has instructions for them on it had the words, "You Are Loved". That was perfect for me. I went into Mom's room and she was all dressed and ready to go but she said that nurse has to take out this IV thing in my arm. 

 

Usually it is hours before you are discharged after the doctor gives his ok but I went up to her nurse out side of her room and explained that we don't have a ride between 11 and 3--my sister has an event to go to. The nurse did awesome--she made it happen within the hour and we were on the road.

 

Of course the only thing that Mom said was, "Jim called me last night."  She doesn't know that I asked my brother to call her. I told her I got some sleep last night and her remark was what? She forgot that I stayed up with her on the night of the prep-cleansing and the first night of surgery, so I told her. Sigh, but she got home and lit up her cigarette--that was the main reason she was so cranky, I think!

 

I made her a cup of tea, she changed her clothes, started the washing, warmed her rice bag and right now is asleep in her recliner. She hardly slept in the hospital. There was a point in our conversation that she said something mean to me and I told her point blank to stop being mean to me and Joanne....she stopped.

 

Mom has always said that Jim was her only son to Joanne and Joanne replies that you have two daughters too! But Mom is from the age and country where sons are more valued. It is her but I am not going to give into negative feelings about it, I am pleased to help her now whether she appreciates it or not.

Is This My Mom?

I spent the night at the hospital last night, got no sleep but wanted to be near Mom in case. So today at 10am, I went back to the house to nap. I got a call that woke me up--it was Grace and Hunter! Wayne had them call on his phone before school. It was jsut what I needed!

Well, I went back to the hospital at 1pm. I managed to get Mom to agree to a nurse coming in once a week to check her health. She agreed then I went to the nurses station and asked the nurse to contact the Discharge Coordinator so we could set it up. I went back into the room and told my Mom what I did and she was furious at me and yelled and waved her finger at me that there is no way in Hell she would allow a nurse in her home, she is fine, she is not senile and needing it. I had to calm her down but she was insistent that she changed her mind. So, I went back to the nurses station and cancelled my request. 

Then, she told me that the Discharge Coordinator dropped off the Medical Power of Attorney papers. She came by yesterday and said that Jim was the one listed not me. I thought everything was ok with us changing this to match the will. She dropped off the papers for me to update and Mom sign while I was gone. Well, Mom flew off the handle and said that I have all the power in the will and she didn't need to fill this out. My mom was downright mean to this gal as well as me. Long story short, we finally got through to Mom that this was procedural and that it wasn't a will and that that is totally separate. Somehow she thought this gal was a lawyer set to take out Jim in the will.

The paperwork showed what was the result of what happened in 2008. Jim drove Mom in with a heart-attack and they set it up as he was the one to decide what happens to Mom if she is unable to communicate---OH GOD/ NO! and they got the street wrong on the form, it is Fieldcrest not Hillcrest--further proof that Jim was drunk at that time. The very next day he was arrested for DUI.

If that wasn't enough, Mom had her catheter out and when they were done, the student nurse was there and she told Mom that in 6 hours she would need to pee. i pointed out to Mom that she needs to take the IV bag with her, to which she angrily replied that she didn't need that, she can do it. I tried to tell her to contact the nurse for help --same result. The student nurse told her that the nurse can disconnect the IV and she can go to the bathroom by herself, again she was furious at me for suggesting she can't do this alone.

We calmed her down. But I was frustrated and Mom acted like nothing happened. I know she wants to go home because she feels fine but she can't until tomorrow. This is where I get my stubbornness from. So I left at 4pm to go back to the house and get some rest. I knew this wasn't going to be a walk in the park but I didn't realize how senile my Mom was. I think she thinks that I am rushing her into her grave and she is fighting all the way.   

Hopefully when she gets home and has a cigarette, she'll get back to her normal self.

Prep Day

Today is the day Mom has been dreading--prep day for surgery.  After 9am, she has liquids only.  At 1, she takes 3 laxatives, at 3 she has to drink a Miralax solution with Gatorade-64 oz.  And at 7 more Miralax.  She is only 95# and I remember how light headed I was when I went through it for surgery.

I worried about how frail she is.  This morning, I will be her shadow making sure that she drinks clear liquids and her laxatives on time.  I woke up at 6am and made her bacon, eggs and hashbrowns. At 8am she had cereal, so I hope that will keep her stamina through this.

Well...64 oz of Gatorade and Miralax and 5 pills of Ducolax and Mom is in the bathroom...it is going to be a long night.

It's a good thing that I am here to monitor Mom.  Joanne took off this morning and just got back at 6pm.  My brother slept until 1pm and went and got beer and proceeded to get drunk.  I have had to give Mom her Gatorade/Miralax solution every 20 minutes since 1pm and her Ducalax every 4 hours.  And I am the one watching her like a hawk as she struggles with diarrhea.  I don't want her to faint and hurt herself.

It is odd that the air conditioner has decided to stay at 72 degrees all day.  My brother didn't have any breathing problems at all but waited until I left with my sister tonight to get some sandwiches to turn it down to 66 degrees.  I pointed this out to Mom.  While I was away (this was before the laxatives had any effect) he got upset with Mom about the temperature and claimed he couldn't breathe.  My Mom got onto him too.  She told him to leave it she has to take a shower later and will freeze. He turned it down to 66 degrees.   When Mom told me about it, I turned it up to 68 but it has stayed at 71 degrees in actuality. Thanks LORD!

I think that Mom will hate me soon...I make her drink water after the diarrhea hits so she stays hydrated.  Gonna be a long night.  She has to shower with the special soap tonight and in the morning and at 8am we go to the hospital.  Sleep?  Probably not!

Waiting

I'm not good at waiting.  It is definitely a challenge for me.  Today I got up, put a roast in the crockpot for dinner and went for a short walk.  I knew it was going to be real short when my glasses fogged up.  The heat and the humidity was unbearable but I made it for a half a mile.

When I came back we had to wait for my sister to return from having her car serviced.  She was taking us to the hospital for mom's pre-op.  Waiting for her was edgy since she was late getting back. Ok, so we got to the hospital to wait in a very crowded waiting room for over 2 hours!  We were to see the insurance gal then had to wait for them to take Mom's blood work and urine sample.  Then wait to talk to the nurse about Mom's medical history and what to expect in surgery.

Mom got on the scale just before her blood was drawn--it was in kilograms so, I got my trusty cell phone out and converted it to pounds--I gasped, she weighs only 95# fully clothed!  Mom needed help understanding how to get the urine sample.  You know your Mom is getting old when you have to go into the bathroom with her to make sure she does it right.

The nurse was amazing and really thorough in explaining things.  We found out that Mom 's xray was normal, something that was worrying me.  She does have a compressed spot in her spine which explains her back pain.

I was really distraught with Mom's medical history and weight that I attacked the candy bag when I got back home.  Not good when I don't want to gain weight. I hope I can keep it together.  Tomorrow, I get up and make a hearty breakfast for Mom before she starts her liquid diet.  I am so afraid that she will dehydrate and faint.  So I will be Mom's shadow tomorrow.

I guess the highlight of today was just before we left, I was asking questions of Mom from the book "Conversations with My Mother".  I'm filling it out so we have something about her to keep in the family.  The question was our favorite vacation.  Jim and Joanne chimed in and said we never had any, we moved alot.  However with a little discussion we all remembered a few vacations.  We joked about them and laughed--it was good to reminisce with Mom and my siblings.  To laugh and forget the challenge ahead.

Progress

My brother insists on my Mom and sister keeping the house at 66 degrees.  Since Mom has no fat on her, she sits in her chair in the livingroom freezing.  I brought Mom a gift from one of my coaches--a rice bag.  I heat it up in the microwave and Mom loves it on her back.  Annie, my daughter's mom-in-law made a throw for her.  I have been wearing a sweater to keep warm.

Wayne told me that I need to shut off the vent above my Mom's chair which I did and another thing I could do is change the filter. Well, I asked my brother when it was last changed and he said it probably needs it.  Then he said it's supposed to last three months.  To which I said that he keeps it at a below normal setting and it is working double time to keep that temperature. He told me that he'd get a new one but not the $25 one they recommend, the $7 one.  I told him that he needs to get the right one and it is Mom's money anyways.  I walked away from the conversation and went in the living room.  No sense of escalating this.

So, Jim came into the living room later and asked, "Would a smokeless ashtray work?"  He was referring to the fact I can't breath when he is smoking in the kitchen.  For him to even consider that was a big thing (but somehow I think Mom will be paying for it).

Before we went to dinner, I had the next door neighbor take our picture. I told my brother to get out front, we are taking a family picture to which he replied, "does that include me?"  "Of course--you are part of this family, why wouldn't you?" I responded.  So we took our picture.  I can't load it on my tablet into this blog, so I will have to wait until I return to Florida.

So, we went to dinner.  I ate crab cakes, Brussels sprouts and wild rice....not bad.  And we went to the grocery store and I got skim milk, fruit, whole wheat bread and bran cereal.  Sigh, I can't eat like I did when I lived here.

We got home and I looked at the thermostat and it wasn't 66 degrees--it was 68 degrees! Two degrees ain't much but it is a big deal with my brother and I'll appreciate it.  Keep those prayers coming--they are working!

Sunday

Last night we had a handful of trick or treaters which was fine. My brother sat on the porch handing out candies.  He was drunk but manageable besides I would over hear him with the kids and it was obvious that he loves doing it.  He is so like Dad in mannerisms, attitude and looks.  Now, I understand Mom, she does miss Dad.  She kind of has him in Jim.

Last night Mom had a time getting warm in her bed.  She has two beds in her room, both hospital beds and I sleep on one.  So today I bought her an electric blanket and hope that she is warmer tonight.  Joanne and I went to Kohls and Walmart to get the blanket and look for a bunny for Grace.  Grace only wanted a stuffed bunny from Florida.  Little did I know it is like hunting for a needle in a haystack.  My sister has all her friends looking for this elusive bunny to no avail.  However, the LORD smiled down on us--we found one small one at Walmart!  Now to get a t-shirt for Hunter and I will probably get one for Grace too.

Joanne's best friend works at Universal Studios and Disney World.  So she will get me what I want there with her discount.  I don't want to go anywhere.  I'm here for Mom not sightseeing.

I know now why I packed on the pounds when I was growing up.  Mom has meat and potatoes no veggies, no fruits.  She can't have fruit.  The bread is white bread not whole wheat.  The milk is whole milk.  So, I bought some fruit and a couple of bags of salad.  I might have to buy some whole wheat bread as well.  I'm glad I brought scottish oatmeal....nothing but high sugar cereal here.

Today, I found some old pictures and it was fun going through them with Mom and Jim.  Lots of memories.

So tonight I take out the family to dinner at Red Lobster.  Mom has her presurgery tomorrow.  She has her prep liquid diet and laxatives Tuesday and Wednesday the surgery.

Time marches on. I'm glad I came.

Sleepless in Florida

Last night I didn't sleep well at all. I went to bed and read until midnight, fell asleep at 1am and up at 2am, back to sleep at 3:30 and then Mom got up at 5am.  I thought something was wrong and got up. I come to find out that that is Mom's regular time to get up.

So, here I am typing at almost 3pm and avoiding an afternoon nap.  Hopefully, I sleep tonight.  Today, I made a costume for my sister, Joanne's best friend.  I set up my brother on FaceBook.  He has been frustrated about his kids who don't bother to keep in touch.  So, I got him on FaceBook and sent friend requests for both his son and daughter.  Hopefully, they accept and can start communication online.  He was happy to see that he has access to their photos and past events in their lives.  I also set him up for games on Facebook.

Unfortunately, my brother's day is to sleep in until noon or later then sit at the dining room table smoking and staring at the wall, drinking his life away.  Sad, I never thought he would give up on life.  So, hopefully, this will get him out of the dining room into his room.  Mom can't stand him just sitting there that way, so hopefully this will move him to his room where his computer is.  Mom's happy about the possibility.

All in all, I have enjoyed my time here.  I even have enjoyed my brother's company and noticed he has backed off on his drinking a little.  He wants to take me to dinner just us, I told Mom that he can't be drinking, I will only go if he is sober.

Today the conversation was about him dying in two years.  So, I asked him if he got his life insurance  yet?  No was the answer, it's too expensive.  I replied that I am not talking about here, I'm talking about heaven or hell.  His reply was "I'm going to Hell!"  I said that Dad said the same thing but in the last week of his life he accepted Christ.  He is in Heaven.  Jim laughed and I said even if it is at the last minute, it is still available.  Jim knows about salvation, his ex-wife was a Christian and still is.  Guess I'll have to double the prayers on him.

I'm missing Wayne and told him we are not going to be separated again like this.  He is lonely at home and I hope and pray that Alison and the kids will visit him or invite him over for dinner or something.  But I have to focus on where I am now.

Florida!

Waking up at 2:30 am is not my cup of tea but I had a plane to catch.  Still my body did protest.  I flew to Salt Lake City and had only 30 minutes to find my gate and board another plan to Orlando.  We left on time and arrived 30 minutes early to our surprise but I had to wait in the pick up area outside for those 30 minutes for my sister and mom to pick me up.  It was good to see them.  Mom is too thin but was happy to see me.  My sister's breathing was bothersome but she lives with it, it concerns me.  We got home and my brother greeted us.  He looks like my dad--too much like him!

I came with gifts and jet lag.  It was 5:00 pm Florida time--2:00 pm Oregon time,  I was exhausted but I stayed up until 9:15pm.  My brother was friendly and liked the gifts.  My sister said he was smoozing, that's okay--I don't want fighting.

Unfortunately when I came into the house the cigarette smoke hit me hard.  I have gotten used to it now but still can't take my brother smoking in the kitchen.  If I leave here without a lung or sinus infection it will be a miracle!

Mom and I sat up and talked and she really enjoyed me being there. Today, Joanne and I went to get groceries today and a tablet for her.  We ended up going to two Costcos.  Started out at 10am to Michaels and then to one Costco to find out the tablet we wanted wasn't there and had to go to the other end of Orlando to get the right one....got home at 4pm!

But my sister is happy with her tablet.  This replaced the laptop she got 5 years ago that isn't working.  Wayne and I bought it for her for taking care of mom so well.  To keep the peaceful , I lied to my brother and told him I lent the money to Joanne for the tablet.  Don't need any conflict.

So day one and day two is going well.

Volunteer Art Literacy Teacher

The book I will use.

Last week, I volunteered for the Art Literacy Teacher for Grace's class.  It involves going to a workshop three times in the school year to learn a new artist's style and teaching it to the kids.  Part of the workshop was to do our own "artist rendering".  This trimester's artist is Picasso. 


Grace's "Cat Picasso"

My feeble attempt at Picasso

When I told Grace about it, she wanted to do one now!  Since I will teach after I get back from Florida, I figured it would be a good practice for me.  So, Grace loving cats and everything is cats, did a "Cat Picasso".  I love it!


Since the teaching tools that they gave us is more directed to the older students, I ordered the one book that they suggested for the younger kids.  So, I will put this on the back burner until I get back.  I plan on doing some fun interactive artsy stuff because after all, I have my favorite grand-daughter in the class!

Grace's "In Jesus We Trust Church"

And I have to share Grace's drawing that she did.  I love the "In Jesus We Trust" that she  put on the church.  This was a drawing she did without any input from me.




Packing 10 Shoeboxes with Grace

 

 

Grace helped me pack up ten shoeboxes today for Operation Christmas Child.  I'm always amazed at the load of stuff I have collected over the year!  Grace was all about making sure each girl received all the gifts.  She would comment that the girl that would get the box would love this little bracelet and she would giggle and put it in the box.  I'm so glad that she loves doing this every year with me.  We usually have a little party but this year, I just don't have the ump to do that and as Grace said, " That's okay, Nana."

 

Grace filled out the two page questionnaire herself.  This year she can read and write well.  Her favorite book now is "Harry Potter" which is beyond 1st Grade.  There was a question; "I love Jesus because..." Grace's answer was, "He prays for me and you and loves you and me and the world." 

 

Hunter didn't help this year.  Grace said it was because it was all "girl stuff" so next year we will do 5 girls and 5 boys. 

 

It was good to have these done.  Today was shoeboxes and some Special Olympics stuff.  The Special Olympics stuff will not be done until I receive more information from others in that organization.  I will feel a lot better once that stuff is done.

 

Tomorrow is doctor appointment, errands and drop off the shoeboxes day.  I am just not into shopping but need to get some things for the trip.  One day at a time....

Bridge to the Unknown

I love autumn mornings when I can walk with the LORD by myself.  Most times, Wayne walks with me but this morning, I walked alone...well, not quite.  The LORD was there as I listened to uplifting songs of praise in my ear buds.  I was reminded that He has me in the palm of His hand on this latest journey into the unknown.  I love this picture that I took.  A bridge into the unknown, so fitting right now.  I don't know what is ahead but I do know He is there carrying me through.  He knows what's ahead and He will give me strength in the unknown.

Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind as I walked and took in the Fall colors and the peacefulness of it all:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

"Struggle Scriptures"

I have been preparing this blog for my trip to Florida.  I intend to blog while I am there and also lean on scripture.  I thought that if I write down verses that spoke to me in my struggles to stay afloat, I can find them here on this blog and receive comfort and encouragement from them.  Here is what I came across while reading a book about a woman doctor who died, went to Heaven and returned:

"Don't worry about anything;

Instead,pray about everything,

Tell God what you need,

And thank Him for all He has done.

If you do this, you will experience God's peace."

-Philippians 4:6

 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

-Psalm 46:1

 

"When you call to me, I will answer you.

I will be with you when you are in trouble.

I will save you and honor you."

-Psalm 91:15

 

"I can do all things through Him who

strengthens me."

-Philippians 4:13

 

"Pray without ceasing."

-1 Thessalonians 5:17

 

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of
God's in Christ Jesus for you."

-1 Thessalonians 5:18

 

"Ask and you will receive;
Seek and you will find;

Knock and the door will be opened to you."

-Matthew 7:7

 

and my favorite:

 ^"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;

 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore."

-Psalm 121

 

 

 

 

Hunter's First Stitches

My dear grandson found out the hard way that there is a right way and a wrong way to whittle with a pocket knife.  He was at Cub Scout Camp with his dad for the weekend.  Larry was packing up to leave and gave Hunter his pocket knife, showed him how to whittle and began finishing up packing the van.  Hunter sliced his hand and fortunately for him, one of the dads was nearby and is an EMT.  Hunter passed out but Chris took care of him while Alison ran to find Stacey, a trauma nurse and mom of one of the scouts who happens to be Hunter's best friend.

They rushed him to Emergency and he was given 6 big stitches and some pain meds.  Alison texted me and later I walked over to their house.  I needed a walk to relieve stress but also wanted to be sure my grandson was okay.  As for the stress, I had baked six loaves of zucchini bread and made a canner full of apple pie jam to take home to Florida.

When I got to their house, Grace greeted me at the door excitedly telling me about Hunter.  I looked around the corner to the back of the couch and saw an uplifted arm wrapped in gauze. Hunter lifted his head to mutter "Hi."  He was obviously under the influence of drugs and a protective mom directed him to lay down.  After hugs and hearing what happened, I sat a bit with my daughter trying not to talk too much about my mom since the kids were there.  Alison was trying to assure me that everything could work out but she also was preparing me in case.

Annie and Lonnie arrived and I left--it was time and I needed to get home.  I'm still overwhelmed.  Heck is midnight and here I am typing.  I can't sleep--I took an Advil PM since I have a headache too.

I'm sure that my little man is sleeping pretty good right now and that he has one great story to share with his buds tomorrow!