Roller Coaster of Emotions Today

I am tired of bad news coming in the mail Saturday when you can't do anything about it until Monday at the soonest.
I am tired of how you do what is right and prepare for the worse and you are labeled the bad person.

I am tired of the drama people do to grab attention when a whisper would gain more compassion.
I am tired of the pain that happens when you are standing there bleeding to death with distress while someone can't see your wounds because they refuse to look.
I am tired of being strong for everyone when no one will be strong for me.
I am tired today of being fragmented, having no focus.

I am tired of my words that don't come when I see a dear friend breakdown in church still grieving the loss of her son.  My heart aches.
I am tired of those who play games with my emotions.
I am tired of this stress exhausting my day.

Yes, not my usual blog but today I couldn't fight any more.  I want peace.  Yes, I am strong in the LORD but that doesn't mean I don't  get depressed.  Thank God I have Him!  I spent time in the Psalms today, walked for an hour, napped and tried to pick myself up. "Rejoice in the LORD" was far from my lips and heart.  True confessions here, it doesn't change my love for Him.

Last night, I had to take a sleeping pill to sleep.  This morning I was still groggy from the pill still but determined to make it to church.  It has been awhile since we were there. The need to go was strong. I remembered what Wayne said once, "If you don't feel like going to church, you really need to go!"

I showered and while I was washing, my mind played over and over again the song, "It Is Well with My Soul".  I know that Carolyn and Ken are praying for us....I felt their prayers showering me.  When I got out of the shower, my mind went through the Lord's Prayer verse by verse slowly.  I haven't said that prayer since in the seventh grade we were made to say it.  It was my turn to say it in class and I fumbled badly and was teased about it.  So, I have skimmed over it ever since.

But by the time I put on my coat my distress returned.  It was there and I was tired of fighting it.  Yesterday, I broke down and told Wayne that I can't be strong for us, I just can't.  I have carried the load of trying to help him through the depression of being unemployed. Sometimes I helped but there were alot of times when I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything.

One of the first songs that was sung this morning at church was "Your Grace Is Enough", one of my favorites.  Worship was the warmth I needed for my spirit and for awhile distress was forced to the background.  Pastor Tim's sermon was about how there are pockets of praise and prayer throughout Revelations.  The angels and saints pray and praise while those on earth go through the trials.  That was comforting this really spoke to me.  There are prayers coming down when we are going through trails!

My distress comes and goes but in those open pockets, I will pray and praise Him.  I am not perfect and I know that I can't paint a smile on my face when I am tired and distressed.  That is okay, the LORD loves me regardless of how I am going through this.  He is still in control.

I never tire of running to Him when I am in distress
I never tire of praying
I never tire of being showered with prayers from others
I never tire of showing love to my family
I never tire of the smiles of my grandchildren
I never tire of hugs
I never tire of Him carrying me when I can't do it anymore
I never tire of His Love
I never tire of His Amazing Grace

His Grace is Enough for Me!